Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
