it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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