I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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