We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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