I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
there is puke in my bra ... again
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