I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
