I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
