dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
