she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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