the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize