Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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