well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
