i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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