I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
