My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
