I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
