i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
