i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
