You made me cry and you don't even care
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
