ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
