Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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