so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
