I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
