It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
