He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
