We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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