TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize