I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
