Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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