I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
