I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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