i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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