Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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