Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
