Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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