you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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