I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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