ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize