It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
