He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
