but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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