She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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