my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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