don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize