I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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