Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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