She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
