she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
