There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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