Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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