i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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