dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
