He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
