i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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