hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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