super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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