Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
