shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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