There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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