i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
