I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
