I'm so fucking centered right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
