i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize