just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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