Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
