you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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