I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
