You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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