Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
